Restaurants: Current beliefs

What we think of as restaurants are a much more recent idea than you think. Before 18th century Paris, most public eating happened at inns or taverns where everyone ate the same fixed meal at the same time. It's worth remembering that nearly every aspect of restaurant culture we take for granted was once a novel idea: menus, professional chefs, private tables, flexible dining times. Even silverware wasn’t invented until the 1600s!

Our generation spends an unprecedented amount of time, money, and emotional energy on restaurants, and my sense is it feels like it’s always been that way. Restaurants are central to our social lives, careers, and cultural experiences. Growing up we rarely ate out, and I wasn’t exposed to high end dining until my mid-20s. Since then I've developed a working theory about how to think about restaurants. All subject to update and debate.

Hosting at home is for people you like

The most meaningful meals often don't happen in restaurants at all. Inviting someone into your home is an act of warmth better than anything fine dining. It's where you can introduce friends from different circles and linger for hours (or, kick people out!). A luxe twist is having a private chef cook in your home. We will get there some day…

Ethnic restaurants are always a good idea

What we casually call ethnic restaurants represent one of the best modern day examples of America. They’re a combination of immigration, cultural exchange, entrepreneurial spirit, and capitalism.

The best of these places exist in a beautiful tension: they're simultaneously preserving culinary traditions and adapting them to new contexts. A neighborhood Ethiopian restaurant might serve dishes exactly as they've been made for generations while creating a space where both Ethiopian immigrants and curious locals can feel at home. A family-run Indian place might maintain very specific standards for their spice blends while adjusting heat levels for my Midwestern friends.

Overall, the best dining experiences are with good friends at ethnic restaurants where you’ve gotten to know the owners.

High-end dining is for status and ceremony

Expensive restaurants serve two purposes: a hat tip to genuinely meaningful moments, and trying to gain and display status.

Don’t make high-end a habit, even if you can afford it. It becomes shockingly easy to start spending $200/pp and not really enjoying it or complaining about minor aspects of the meal. I’m happier and enjoy restaurants more dialing high end way down.

The standing exception is if you’re a regular, go for it. It’s a lot of fun.

Mid tier is .. mid

Mid-tier restaurants are the safe choice for first dates, business meetings, or some flavors of group dinners. The food and the experience will be unmemorable. Unless you have a personal connection to the owner, these places offer the worst value proposition in dining.

Become a regular. It makes life more fun

Becoming a regular is wildly underrated. You move from just another customer to a part of the restaurant’s community. You get better service and a sense of warmth and belonging that becomes better than an anonymous michelin star.

Business dinners are boring. Make it breakfast

I’m writing this at 33, having done business dinners for about 10 years, and I can’t think of one that made a significant professional difference (actually I can think of one that made a difference for Leah that is a funny story, but so far I am striking out). Morning meetings over breakfast offer a better alternative: they're shorter, more focused, and generally more conducive to actual work getting done. People are fresher, more direct, and less likely to fall into the social ceremonies that can make business dinners drag on. If you want to “build relationships” a quick two beers works better.

Don’t be afraid to bring a little list

Bringing a little list of topics to discuss can be a hit. Print em out, pass em around. So far my hit rate is 100% with this making the dinner more fun (at least for me!).

In summary

So what have we learned? In general, go high or low end if dining out. Avoid the middle. Have people to your house more. Make business dinners breakfasts. Become a regular. List out some stuff to break down.

I’d love your takes.